Darling Nikki
| 29 March 2009
Cosmopolitan recently had a 15 point list of things that you should never apologize for (most could apply to both men and women). I have a list of 8 and two of mine are very similar to Cosmo's (#1 and #2.) Mine apply to both Sexes.
1. DITCHING A LOUSY LOVER: Checkmark on that one. "Sex is important. If you've given him a fair shot at pleasing you, and he doesn't, free the man". I agree.
2. HAVING A HIGH NUMBER OF SEXUAL PARTNERS: (I'm adding "past or present"); "Let's quit the slut slamming and start honoring those bed skills that curl your man's (or men's) toes". I have nothing to add to that :)
BTW; No need to make your "number" common knowledge.
3. BEING STRAIGHTFORWARD: Not to be confused with pushy, too agressive or over-bearing. Too much time is wasted on bullshit and games. There's SOME things that need to be said. Really, it's the WAY you say it that makes all the difference. Choose your words. Rather than let something simmer within yourself, get it off your chest. It's good for you. Note: if you've cheated on your partner and you'd like to keep things on the down-low, confessing is not recommended, and not to be mistaken with being straightforward. Obviously there are some exclusions to the whole "speak your mind" idea. Knowing when and when not to open your mouth is a Cardinal Rule.
4. LOOKING AND FEELING CONFIDENT AND SEEKING THE SAME IN OTHERS: Hey if you're a man, or woman and you take care of yourself and your appearance, why would you expect anything less from a potential partner or occasional lover or whatever? (Geez, there's too many "levels" of relationships). Investing time and/or money in your appearance is not only good for you, but it also puts you in a more likely category to meet people who you are attracted to. Personality matters too. There's plenty of women and men that are seriously lacking in personality.
5. SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR KIDS: For those of us who have kids, be it one or five, and are not together with the "ex": being unavailable because you have parental responsibilites says a lot about a person. My ex is practically useless but I know a few great single dad's (friends or otherwise) that do not hesitate to put their kid's first. This is, as it should be. Especially when you consider that generally, "DADS" are not the Primary Care Givers, so it's not uncommon for them to have alternate weekends. Any guy who ditches his child/ren (when his time spent with them is already limited) to go out on a date or get laid is an asshole. Any woman who expects him to, is most likely a selfish bitch, that doesn't have kids, or if she does, she acts like she doesn't.
6. GOING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS (OR AWAY) AND HAVING A GREAT TIME: If you're married (happily, and NOT cheating), or in an exclusive relationship (there's a few of those out there), you should not be getting read the riot act because you go out once in awhile with your friends. Assuming that no one jumped into bed with anyone or attempted to pick up everyone in sight, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this even if you did drink too much or someone tried to pick you up. Ultimately, it's up to your partner to conduct themselves accordingly.
And if someone talks to them, big deal. I asked my ex once if he'd prefer it if I went out and carried a big sign that said "Don't talk to me, I have a boyfriend". What an idiot. Bottom Line; you're either a cheater, or you're not. And if you're that petrified that your husband/boyfriend had too good of a time and did God knows what, while he was out/away, then you've got other issues that need addressing. Keeping a leash on someone doesn't work. And it's STUPID.
7. HAVING A HOBBY/SPORT ETC: Unless you're a crack addict or a pimp, degenerate gambler etc, EVERYONE should have outside interests and they should be respected. If by chance it's something you can do together, and share a passion for, great. But that's not always the case. So if you're guy was a hunter/fisherman for example when you met him then chances are he will want to go on a few hunting and/or fishing trips with the guys. Bank on it. Unless a person's hobby is major extreme or illegal, and it's like you're single anyway because he's never around, then what's the big deal? Encourage him/her to go and enjoy themselves.
NO GUILT TRIPS. It's a two-way street. I'd never dream of shooting a deer, but I do like gun ranges, and fishing. I also like getting my hair and nails done. Nobody's going to stop me from doing that, lol. Some men go hunting and fishing. Some are big time into Sports, Cars, etc. These are things you should've figured out before you got together. I always find it to be a bit of a red flag, (personally) if a guy doesn't have some physical hobbies or if he totally hates sports. That's part of what makes them MEN. They DO "guy things". If I wanted a man who was more like a woman, then I'd probably be a closet lesbian or bi-sexual, and I'm neither. I like being a woman, and I like men who are men.
8. FOR SAYING OR DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU TOTALLY BELIEVE IN: Again, a few exceptions. Unless you are insane, known to be wildly inappropriate, are violent or have say, Tourette's Syndrome, never apologize for what you truly believe in. Put your money where your mouth is.
Nobody's perfect. You only live once. If you're with someone or you're not, live your life. Be fair, be as good as you can be. Love yourself; faults and all. If you're not happy with some things in your life, make an effort to change what you can. You'll never be sorry you did. And for the things you can't change; find a way to either be rid of them, (if possible), or to live with them. Remember; 'People often forget what you said to them, but they never forget how you made them feel'.
Darling Nikki
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
