Darling Nikki

Written by Darling Nikki | 31 March 2009

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.

Jealousy scans for evidence (real or imagined) to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - Self Value. If you can't love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake, or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put your energy into building your personal and emotional security".

Jealousy and Love. The immature mind can often mistake one for the other. Combined together they create unimagineable turmoil.

Jealousy should not be confused as a sign of love. Severe jealousy is the opposite of love. An early 20th century writer commented: "Its one desire is to punish, and to punish severely".

Jealousy: I'm talking about over the top, excessive off the wall jealousy. It is not recognized as a disorder, but it sure can be psychotic. These feelings cause a person to feel very threatened, and they will react by tenaciously trying to hold on to their partner or "position" depending on the situation.

Safe to say, we have all experienced mild jealousy. It's a human emotion. But it's one that can take on many insidious forms if not kept in check. It damages, hurts and wrecks so many things. Some people thrive on creating drama and put concerted efforts into "making" (for example)their partners jealous.

But you can't "make" someone jealous unless they are prone to "be" jealous in the first place. Jealousy amounts to insecurity and stems from FEAR.

We've all experienced wishful thinking, but that's like admiration. I wish I was driving a Bentley and when I see one, I do admire it and think "I'd like to be driving that". But the thought ends there. And I'm pretty sure I will never be driving one.

Jealousy is fuelled by a far more deep, dark corner of a person's makeup. It breeds (and often multiplies) from a person's psyche. Their feelings of inadequacy, self doubt... Some people use jealousy as a yardstick to gage their partner's interest. "Hmmm, let's see how pissed off I can get him if I 'make' him jealous." There's that word again. "And if he gets real jealous, he must love me so much." How stupid does that sound? It sounds stupid, because it IS. What that hypothetical scenario really translates into is; someone f*cking with someone else's head, in the hopes of getting a desired "reaction". I don't think you can "make" someone jealous. They either are, or they're not. And if someone's (ie:) cheating on you for real (as opposed to "imagined"), lying etc - do something about it. Stay or go. But if you stay, know that what you see is what you get. Deal with it one way or the other. I said it before: You can't put a leash on a person. Without trust you have nothing. Back to my topic of crazy, baseless jealousy: Some people are SO insecure, they don't need ANY (real)provocation to arouse the green eyed monster within.

These talented people can make shit up, hurl accusations and dream up conspiracy theories right out of thin air. I'd hate to live that way. Paranoid, insecure and imagining all kinds. It sounds like a living hell. When I realized just how insecure my ex was, at first I felt shocked, and even pity (briefly). Then I started to look back and a whole lot of things finally made sense. The ridiculous questions, the gaslighting, the games. And we were certainly, for the most part living in Hell. I looked at him a few times and said "Does your head hurt?? Being that f*cked up MUST HURT your head". Just think of the energy it  takes.

I'm not overly jealous. I used to think I wasn't at all, but I've felt "it" a few times. Just mildly and (thankfully), fleetingly. It sucks. I've mostly been on the receiving end of someone else's.  
The rational person realizes that jealousy in friendships, relationships (workplace or otherwise) is very draining and a waste of time. People think and do some crazy things due to their jealous nature. Whether its making an ass out of one's self, driving themselves and/or someone else nuts, violence or even murder. We've all seen the line; "in a jealous rage". Excessive self-doubt. What a bitch of an inner-demon. I have seen what happens to a person when they don't believe in themselves. It colors every aspect of their life and the choices they make. Typically, the more they sabotage their own self worth, the more they project it onto others. Pair this type of individual up with a "button pusher" and it's a recipe for disaster. Or worse, some hapless victim who doesn't "see" right away that a person is jealous and accusatory, and gets sucked up into the BS-Vacuum before they know what hit them, or umm "sucked" them. One word of advice: RUN.  

I've had jealousy up to my eyeballs. "Friends" who were jealous, guys who were jealous, even boyfriends of friends who didn't want their girlfriends "hanging out" with me!? And a few times, a girlfriend's (female) friend was jealous. It mattered not, that I had done absolutely nothing wrong. My own sister has even been jealous of the close relationship I have with her teenaged daughter! School's out. These people need to grow up and get a life. Sadly, some will never see the light. 

Hey, in moderation, even some "experts" believe that it can add a spark to things between couples. Maybe. Usually it's more like an inferno. I still can't shake the feeling that it's all just too juvenile. Whatever floats your boat. Or more likely sinks your battleship. It's nice knowing that you're valued in ANY relationship. There's so many positive ways to communicate that and jealousy isn't one of them.