Darling Nikki
| 23 April 2009
Jaded? Not really, but maybe I still need to face up to that. I find humor in most things. Then again, it took me years to admit that I can be a little bitchy during that sacred 'time of the month' that we women are blessed with. I think men have a period too. They just don't bleed. I'm more like a sniper when it comes to my emotions and who they are directed at. There are only a few people in my life that have aroused my anger, hostility, loss of faith. I don't direct it aimlessly and paint everyone with the same brush.
We all have built-in defense mechanisms, this is natural and a fact. "Radar", gut instincts, reservations. However, some people have taken this to a whole new level. They "blend in" for the most part but in truth, they have fallen into an ABYSS. It's like they are lost in the Bermuda Triangle.
As for me, for someone who gets told they are attractive, fun and nice, this superfox spent the weekend with no child, sleeping alone. No "visitors." Just how hot AM I? Okay, there was one "almost" that I would've been up for, but it didn't transpire. It's been re-scheduled..
Back to the ABYSS I'm talking about: The "new guy" that I met awhile ago is not a player or even close (in general disposition) to most of the men I know. Anyway, turns out 'Mr. Super Laid Back' is fabulous in bed too, and I don't hand out compliments like candy. I almost wish he wasn't, because it would be easier to kick his ass out of my life. This guy knows how to fire up the Barbie, and he's nice too. Here's the problem. The man runs hot and cold. Well, after a good honest talk we got to the root of some of this temperature change BS. One day it's the Tropics on a boat and the next it's the Arctic with no coat. We have been in touch regularly, (his initiative more than mine) but there were a couple of things he did/didn't do that hit MY "radar." His interest has never come across as "casual" so it was with that in mind that I asked him what was up. Wanting to make a point, but keep it light, I jokingly said that unless he was 'trying to get rid of me, that he shouldn't do such a good job of ignoring me.' I made my point. He stepped it up a little, but I could tell that something was still amiss. Hence, the "talk."
Conclusion; He's a "walking wounded," cautious, guarded, soul. He's been f#cked over in a couple of previous relationships (financially and otherwise) and doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground when he develops feelings for someone. I knew that he'd been through some hard times (who hasn't?) but I didn't know how it had affected him. I asked him, "why put pressure on yourself
Yes, this is the house that Jack built. Or should I say, "these are the WALLS that Jack built with Titanium?" I don't want to fall into anyone's Abyss.
Trust needs to be built, like anything worthwhile. It is THE most important thing in any healthy relationship, whether with friends or lovers. Without it, a relationship (of any kind) is meaningless.Darling Nikki
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