Darling Nikki
| 15 May 2009
I'd really like to think most people are (relatively) "normal" and that a platform like Facebook really is just another way to communicate with friends and family. Okay let's get real: Maybe in a perfect world... but we don't live in one. Leave it to (some) people to take what should be a harmless means of communication, "a social utility" & turn it into a weapon. My (factual) examples are bad enough. It can & does get a lot worse.
One friend's disgruntled soon to be ex-girlfriend took the liberty of contacting whomever she could from his list of "friends" to trash talk him. He did some damage control, by emailing everyone to warn them of her smear campaign once he became aware of it, & apologized out of embarassment (asking that people please ignore her) for what she "might" say or do to get attention. Not that anyone was going to listen to her, but how mortifying. He was "that" (my fingers are an inch apart) close to her moving in with him (her house was for sale) when they had their final blow out. I call that Divine Intervention. These folks aren't in their 20's. We are talking late 30's, early 40's. Together almost 2 years, a few vacations taken and lots of time spent at the other's home. It didn't take her long to let out the "crazy" when the music stopped playing.
Two years isn't a lifetime but often couples in that age range accelerate things by moving in together quicker than they might if they were say, in their 20's/early 30's if it 'seems' things are going well. It becomes a financial decision as well, ie: why carry two mortgages or have one house sitting empty? (In theory it sounds great. The rationale being, "we're together most of the time anyway, let's be together and have more money because we get along soooooo well". Yeah, okay whatever). Well, here's the main reason why it's a good idea to keep what you've got; Not only for investment purposes (a house/condo can always be rented out) but also incase one of you needs to move your ass back into your own damn house! If EVER there was a good reason, that would be it. To think - she was ALMOST living in his house; He was extremely lucky.
Another friend, in the midst of a volatile break-up with a live-in girlfriend discovered that she had (by "guessing" his password), READ all of his messages - - over an extended period! He wasn't even cheating on her. He's one of the few people I know that DOESN'T cheat. Needless to say she found out that he'd called her a few colorful names on there. Maybe that's not nice, but it was none of her business. He's moved out now but the drama-meter was on full tilt there for awhile.
Facebook does give the option of indicating if "dating/friendship/etc" is an interest. The premise of it all, while good, can be akin to asking for trouble, and it's all just a click away. Gossip, stalking, checking up on, and cheating. Apparently there are a lot of closet "detectives" out there. It's really smart to announce you're on vacation or out of town too. Nothing like putting up a sign that says "My house is empty, come rob me". Depending on how free one is with their info, it's not that different from giving someone a big window to look through, to see what you're up to.. TMI. Too Much Information.
Easily having access to who "just made friends" with whom; The jealous/nosy types really get off on that one when it comes to opposite sex "friendships". The word friendship has become so broad now. No need to elaborate on that.
Employers go onto facebook when an employee has called in sick. "Hmm, let's see what Party Pete was up to last night". And if he's slapped a few pictures up-- even better, or perhaps a friend was good enough to "tag him" dancing & drinking the night away. Before he knows what hit him, Partying Pete's ass is "busted" & he might very well be looking for a new job, once his hangover subsides.Prospective employers also use Facebook to see what their potential hiree(s) get up to in their spare time, where they go, where they've been, and who they know. It's all a huge invasion of privacy, but perfectly legal. Lawyers in custody/access proceedings do the same. Best to keep the privacy settings tight or in some cases not be on there at all.
Does anyone just CALL anymore? Text messages, emails, msn, Facebook; while they are a handy option, and when dealing with distance, more cost effective the truth is; they have all replaced a REAL conversation. In our attempt to be more social, we are actually becoming less so. I think we can all enter a guilty plea on this one; that we often replace conversation with messaging. You've got to laugh at most of it, but like they say, "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye" - or a job, a girlfriend, or a spouse or ALL of the above. There IS such a thing as 'asking' for trouble. We just don't realize we're doing it until it's too late. Or maybe we do and we just can't stop ourselves.
In all fairness, it has also been a great way to stay in touch with some good people who don't live nearby, nice to see pictures of new babies, graduations or vacations etc. Like anything, it's only a problem when it's in the wrong hands. There are some who create drama and are drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
Darling Nikki
I think about the paths we choose to get where we are, or for some of us, to get where we are going to. A series of "moves" (decisions) that are certainly not for many of us all that strategic, like say a game of Chess. Live and Learn. Some people never do though. We criss cross around the board that is our life. Sometimes I wonder how my story will end. That takes me into a few different directions depending on the day. Will I get told by someone I love that they love me too and live happily ever after? Ha, too late for fairy tales but it's something along those lines. Will I end up alone with a thousand memories and stories within me, the secrets of a few who's confidence I would not ever betray? One thing is for sure; I'm not settling for anyone on the basis that having someone is better than being alone. No way. For one, I have too much fun sometimes and for two, it goes against all that I believe in now. I've heard too many stories/plights/fears of people in bad relationships, or who have had a string of them now lying in their wake. No thanks.
It's not for me to know the ending - "my" ending. I feel confident that it will be one to which I was destined for. As for strategy? I can't say I've been too strategic but I am moreso now than I used to be. I am a friend, I am a parent, I am a daughter, a sister and the list goes on. I've even been "like" a sister to some both male and female friends. I've definitely been a few people's lover, for lack of a better word. What does it all mean? Who the f*ck knows...
I once asked who let the dogs out. If I'm not mistaken, I then thought, please whoever let them out, could they put them back in?"
Now I'm asking, who let the psychos out? The stuff I hear from people and have witnessed myself is proof positive that there's way too many people misrepresenting themselves and masquerading as normal folks. Obsessive, fearful, lying and manipulative lost people who have lost touch with reality.
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