Darling Nikki
| 05 October 2009
I will admit it: I am GUILTY. I like to hear my name once in awhile. People who don't use a person's name (ok, we'll go with MY name since this is "my" story;) seem to me.... to be bad news. Most people I know address me quite affectionately and it's very natural... In formal/business exchanges, it is ofcourse common place to address a person by their name.I'm referring more specifically to personal, friendly relationships. Sexual or otherwise. Saying a person's name IS personal. It's "connected"-- however subtle it may be. To NOT say a person's name is the total opposite. There is a much warmer (even if for the most part sub-conscious) feeling you get from someone when they use your name.
It's a mistake to underestimate the power of saying someone's name: The sound of someone's NAME is one of the most powerful triggers you can ever use to get their attention. It is the first sound we hear as infants and it has been used as a means to control our behavior for as long as we can remember. It can instantly lull us into a comfort zone. This seems a simple concept, but is dramatically under utilized as a tool of effective communication. As a greeting - "Jack, Brenda - great to see you both!" it's very friendly and warm. Think about someone in your life who has the ability to change your emotional state, your mood, simply by the way they say your name. I can honestly say that there are only two instances in which I would NOT use someone's name. I either do not like the person and therefore cannot bring myself to say their name, or I can't remember what their name is! See what I mean?? Neither are good scenarios.
Sometimes we are SO familiar with someone that we rarely use their name, but not usually. I still say, we all like hearing it once in a while. Notice there's no problem using a person's name if you're mad at them. "John, you're such an asshole sometimes!" Yes, that's personal and "connected" no two ways about it.
For Pete's sake: and who the hell IS Pete, anyway??-- But our pets have names that (for those of us with pets),we use their names often and with lots of emotion. Now if that's not proof of affection, to bring home my point - I don't know what is.
Which brings us to the universal language of sex/intimacy and using one's name. Depending on your lover, (hopefully he/she or "they" are in tune with you) this can be very intimate. The best sex, is the sex you have with someone you have a good comfort level with. Sex with desire. Not for the sex itself, but for the person. For their body, for their mind - - almost anyone can seduce a "body" but not just anyone can seduce your mind, your heart, your desire. And once it's been successfully seduced, you're always more likely to be a sucker when it comes to that person. What's that saying, about the flesh being weak?
From the Bible, Matthew 26:41
"Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak"
Sigh...We've all 'been there, done that' - n'est pas? And wouldn't it be nice, hindsight being what it is, to scratch a select few peoples' names OFF "the list" (of sexual partners) - Oh I sure would if I could.
Darling Nikki
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